Week 1 Roundup

We have taken the first steps on the road to damnation together - will we soldier on or score only 6VP and be exiled for eternity?

Fortunately no one did that badly this week but I am going to write a summary of the events and see how accurate my predictions were.

Ross V Gary - 65-23

Ok I wildly overestimated Gary here, probably due to my savage beat down of Ross the week before (all pilot skill not dice). For this egregious mistake I should owe an apology to Ross but instead I will take credit for creating the spark of rage that spurred him to victory.

I am not entirely sure what happened here but Gary only scored 23VP so can only assume his wife offered to wear prosthetic man feet if he came home early and he obliged. What a cunt.

Close enough.

Mark V Ben - 74-56

My prediction gets eerily close on this one when I guessed 70-60. I am basically a genius.

Ben's first words to me summarising this game was "I need to change my list" so that speaks to the general vibe. Mark's plucky (and very murdery) Ultramarines got the victory against Ben's somewhat lunatic list.

Ben has not submitted a Wildcard request yet so he may give it another game or two and I applaud that - I can see how playing WE could get a little stale given that the list is essentially "solved" for most players.

I wanted the Smurf bigger.

Sam V Neil - 66-48

A smurf-off including clones of both Calgar and Guilliman - what sort of crazy timeline is this? It's the timeline where someone fairly fresh into 10th is playing with an army they have had for decades plays into a sweaty meta chasing prick.

I got the victory, as I had predicted, but I back myself to not be regarded waaay too strongly. I thought I could score a 90 and poor choices were made.

Neil kicked things of with surprise aggression - rushing his Calgar brick across midfield to smash into my Clone Calgar brick...I was taken aback. Whilst his brick came off worse I was so overawed by the cojones on display from Neil that I forgot I needed to be within 3" with Clone Guilliman to give him lone op. Stepped him out into the open to ping some shots into a Lieutenant who was Terraforming and, after some terrible saves from Neil, I killed him.

The problem this led to was Clone Guilliman being stood in the open, actively mooning an UM gunline and also open to a Real Guilliman charge. The reason this is a problem is because Guilliman is basically the engine that makes this detachment work with basically 2 free strats a round and double Oath.

He was handily obliterated at the top of T2 and I realised I was in trouble. Obviously I immediately drugged Neil and put a small win into BCP, with nobody else the wiser.

The closest I could get to two Smurfs wrestling.

Tom S V Angus - 84-33

The prediction of Tom's score was pretty accurate but I also wildly overestimated Angus' interest/capacity to score VP. Still a correct victory call though.

Angus came away from the game in a hobby crisis, looking at trying dead games to get him out of his funk - we all know that isn't the path. You should force yourself to do something you don't enjoy until either you master it or it masters you.

Tom clearly gave Angus a brutal bumming here, and at Angus' own house, unmitigated savagery! On the plus side the boys in blue and gold didn't score the lowest this week!

Magnus before his first coffee.

Mike V Max - 91-44

Meta Max continues to pursue victory with his horde of idiots whilst Mike is now running a similar horde of idiots, they are just bigger and scarier.

Prediction was accurate but again put too much hope in the Max-Canis partnership. After Canis almost brought the usually genial Josh to tears at the weekend I was hyped to see him save the day here. The hype didn't pan out.

Mike will definitely be a contender at the top of the table as the league progresses, with an objectively strong list, so IA getting a bit a of a hiding here is no shame for Mr Max.

Silly scared idiot.

Sean V Craig 87-63

Craig has been forced into Necrons several times in recent weeks and has decided to declare a pogrom against all Necron players. I suggested that this might be a somewhat disproportionate reaction but he would not be restrained.

My second incorrect prediction of the week so I must apologise to Sean and punish Craig by making him play into Necrons 5 times in a row at the teams event.

That is a "nurgling"

Alex V Freddie - 92-78

Alex begins the new league like he left the last one - a terminal force of sexual energy.

Running an Avatar and Wraithknight vs a combined 24 TWC and Outriders I thought had a Space Wolf victory written all over it. I also thought Alex would hate the army considering he already didn't like the Avatar but when I came over towards the end of the game he was talking about the Wraithknight like a proud father.

Freddie will keep trying to make Outriders, in volume, work and I will continue to ruefully smile when I see it on the table.

The wolf is supposed to look scared.

Jack "Butter Boy" Barker V Kyle - 89-68

Jack rocking the murder fest of Starshatter against the genteel Grey Knights. Kyle was drawn in by the Land Raider trap that gets many GK players and found out, as most do, that it is quite poo in that army.

Jack took no prisoners and Kyle did well to amass the 68 VP that he did. Kyle has also turned in his first Wildcard and is moving heavily into DKs in Warpbane and I am all about that life so his next opponent should watch out!

Jack at his finest.

Chris V Dan - 63-61

An absolute nail biter here that came down to the last rolls of the game! However Dan has a well known aversion to actually winning so the end result made sense.

In fairness Chris has recently been on a solid run or bloodlust over VP as well so it must have been extra hard for Dan to pull off his desired result here.

I did get this result correct but I had forgotten about the recent blight on Chris' mind and suggested he might get a strong win.

No idea why there is a dude there.